My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
