We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
