Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
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