She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
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