whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
