Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
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