Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
