I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
This is the high leading the old right now
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
