Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
