All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
