Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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