I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize