Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
