We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
We need a shit load of segways right now
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
