Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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