just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Randomize
