Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Randomize
