You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
