How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
