I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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