yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Randomize
