I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
