this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I feel like a drive thru vagina
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
