She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
