im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
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