we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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