you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
