Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize