threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
