Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Randomize
