he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
