your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
You were trust falling into bushes
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
