so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
