Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
try to milk me bitch
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