I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
