i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
