Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
