We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Randomize
