Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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