Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
