FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
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