He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
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