so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
