Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
