he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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