I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
