youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
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