I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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