Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
We had to coat check the pizza.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
