I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
