There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
