Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
