We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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