Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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