i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
