Duck Duck Cougar?
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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