i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
