I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize