Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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