I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
