WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
