He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
