hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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