quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
