Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
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