Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
