I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
