Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
