I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
