I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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