i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
