2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
