I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
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