We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
