New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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