I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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