I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
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