Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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