Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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