I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
