No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
