WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
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