Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
