she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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