Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
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