Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
