im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
