the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
