She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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