Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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