Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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