i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
