So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
