He asked to "fluff my boner.."
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
