O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
