If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
