I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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