I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I cannot find my penis.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
