I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
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