soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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