some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
