you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
