just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
