i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
